Berkshire Morris
The Cthlongorplzt

 

The Dfutps (or Cthlongorplzt to give it's more formal apellation - thought by entomologists to be an Anglicization of the proto-Saxon "Flcthinglplxzt") is an annual event in the Morris Calendar (nine months of 39 days each which allows for 15 "unaccounted for" days per year).

Morris teams from all over North America gather in an undisclosed location in a remote corner of the Nation's third smallest state, far from the prying eyes of the general public, to practice their strange, neo-pagan (or possibly pre-pagan) rituals and share in a ceremonial

 

The wonted rural quiet of an undisclosed location somewhere south of Berkshire County (MA) is unexpectedly shattered by the raucous outbursts of the assembled Morris Dancers atending the Dfutps. Local residents and their livestock prudently flee the onslaught.

 

meal in which foods of obscure origin and esoteric significance are consumed.

This highly secret Rite is one of the most closely guarded aspects of Morris Lore - and the fact that we are even mentioning it here will probably get us in very, very hot water - but what the hell!

Some argue that the practice has been diluted in latter years through the introduction of Persons Of The Opposite Gender (who were formerly excluded), but most conclude that their civilizing effect on the gathering has, so far, been negligible.

 

In this rare picture, smuggled out of the "Pheast" in a half-eaten Charlotte Russe, the gathered multitude is addressed by what appears to be a Person Of The Opposite Gender - to no particular effect.

Such anomolous events have been common since the feminist backlash of the late 1990s, although many attendees interviewed - who refused to be named for this article - testify that they preferred it when such guests appeared only in disguise. "I loved those little penciled-in moustaches - those were hot!" one said.

An unidentified source close to the Bouwrie Boys - the Morris team most directly liable for the event - gave this explanation for the inclusion of "wymyn" - as they are colloquially known - within the gathering: "Some guys are just whipped, man, whipped!"

 

In another rare glimpse into the secret Morris Ritual, we see the gathered Morris Men in the middle of the cermony known as "The T."

An acolyte (in black pants at far right) expresses his humility by placing a handkerchief on his head as he approaches the Exalted Squire of the Berkshire Morris, Mr. Graham Dean (center, holding the ritual "cuppa T") to beg for recognition. Squire Dean - flanked by his personal attendants, Cristofaio Sblendorio (r) and Walter Schwarz (l) is obviously giving the acolyte's plea serious consideration - fully aware that his decision could determine the man's entire future.

 

Back
to Set